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Girl Gamer Thoughts: Why Do I Feel Like A Quirk In Real Life?

June 29, 2010

I met up with my best friend last night, because for the last few months she’s been letting me use her basement to store some of my old junk — DVDs, CDs, boxes of books and comics and the like — and I was finally picking it all up. We don’t get to see each other all that often now, with me living downtown and her up in the suburbs, but there’s a reason why out of all my girl friends she’s my best friend, and why we stayed close even after so many years. She’s into a lot of geeky things just like me, and it was fun being able to catch up and talk about our interests.

This made me realize, that even though my site is called “MMO Gamer Chick”, most of the time I don’t actually feel like I’m blogging from a “girl’s point of view”. I mean, I’m female, but that fact has little to nothing to do with how I experience games, and for the most part I think my posts have been pretty gender-neutral (all right, we’re not counting the ones where I gush about my crushes on video game characters, okay?) Also, while I know a lot of female gamers out there have expressed frustrations about being treated differently in MMOs (e.g. being favored, patronized, or “let off easy”), I’ve been fortunate enough to have avoided all of that so far.

The truth is, when it comes to the matter of my gender, I’ve never been made to feel like I’m any more or less of the person that I am when I’m in a game, or felt the need to hide the fact that I’m female. In fact, I’ve always been pretty comfortable with being myself and expressing my love for MMOs in an online gaming environment, or even in the gaming community.

Real life is another story, though. We all know that the world is already filled with misconceptions and less than flattering stereotypes about online gamers. For example, a guildie of mine was once asked by a colleague if he also liked to play dress up and hold play fights in the park, just because he told him that he played World of Warcraft. In light of this, it’s no wonder that a great many people I know are actually reluctant to tell their real life friends or acquaintances that they like to play MMOs, for fear of being judged falsely thus.

Granted, it’s a little different when you’re a woman, because right off the bat, you already don’t fit the mold. That doesn’t mean I go informing everyone I meet of my geeky gaming ways, though. I don’t know why, but even as the number of female gamers continues to grow, the real world still treats us as a sort of aberration. It was worse a couple years ago when I still worked in a corporate office. All made-up and clad in my dress suit and high heels, I knew I didn’t look like a gamer because people looked at me like I just grew a second head when I piped up in a WoW conversation and told them my main was a level 80 feral druid tank. When you’re a girl, liking online games is like an eccentricity or something.

That said, it’s not so bad when I’m discussing games with men, because more often than not, after the initial surprise they’re just happy enough to chat about a shared interest. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: geeks are like the nicest people on the planet. Doesn’t matter where I am — in a comic book store discussing the origin of Supergirl, or chatting about the Star Wars expanded universe while in line for Carrie Fisher’s autograph at a sci-fi convention — they just make me feel at home, though 9 times out of 10 the person I’m talking to will still remark on how “strange” it is that I’m a female interested in this stuff.

Women, on the other hand, are another matter. First of all, I haven’t had much luck when it comes to finding other girl gamers in real life. Amazingly, none of my female friends play MMOs (in fact, many of them outright reject them with repugnance) and even my best friend with her geeky interests only plays console games that she describes as “aren’t intense”, like Rock Band. Thank goodness for the internet, because otherwise I wouldn’t have anyone to get excited with.

At best, my girl friends will think I’m weird but will still listen to me chatter on about MMOs and other geeky subjects while their eyes slowly but visibly glaze over with disinterest. At worst, they resent me because they think I’m into these “guy things” for the attention. The latter was especially the case in middle and high school (I know we girls can be catty at that age), but you know, it’s not my fault that boys always seemed to have the coolest toys. I still think that, even today. Earlier this year, one of my clients invited me over to his house and showed me his basement. The guy had a Captain America shield hanging on a wall as well as a replica of Thor’s hammer leaning by his computer. Thor’s friggin’ hammer. Now that’s something I can squee over, and I’ll take his “man cave” over a dream closet any day.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m into a lot of girl stuff as well. The aforementioned office I worked in was a place dominated by young women, and I had my share of fun discussing things like Coach purses, Gossip Girl and the Sex and the City movie with my colleagues, not to mention how fifteen minutes of every Friday morning were always put aside to talk about how hot McDreamy was in the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy. But I get excited over geeky things too. Yet when it came to certain topics that I’m personally passionate about — stuff like comics, sci-fi and fantasy, and of course, MMOs — I kept my mouth shut. For one thing, I wasn’t confident that I actually wanted the people I worked with to know about my love for online gaming, and risk having them see me differently. And secondly, I was 100% sure none of them would know what the hell I was talking about anyway.

Often, it made me feel like an outcast among members of my own gender, and it’s probably why growing up I’ve always had more guy friends than girl friends. Maybe only other girls can understand this, but some part of me is always yearning for more female company. Most of the girl friends I have now are wonderful to hang out with and we’ll have lots of fun talking about girly stuff…but if only they’d get excited with me too when I blather on about my progress in Lord of the Rings Online, or when I nerdgasm over Star Wars: The Old Republic! Or at the very least, you know, not think I’m a freak because of it. I’m grateful I have my best friend, but sometimes I really wish I had more girl gamer friends in real life.

45 comments

  1. I wish we could be gaming buddies in real life! Alas, I don’t really have gamer friends in my country, sadly… either that or I’m a pariah among Philippine gamers!


    • Heh heh, no worries, it was tough to find gamer friends when I lived in Asia too :) One would think it would be easier…


  2. Whoa… whoa… whoa… Ok, I can get you’re a gamer. I can get you’re a MMO player. But a tank!? A *druid*… TANK!? Girls only heal. >.> <,< *flees*

    In all seriousness that does seem to be a problem these days. My wife's good at ferreting out friendly people. She's found a few gamers at her various places of work over the years but all have been of the male variety. So far the majority of female gamers she has found have been in the string of guilds we've been in throughout the years.


    • You jest, but I do tend to see more women playing healers and casters :P I can count the number of female tanks I have encountered (at least the ones I can prove) on one hand.

      I’m always envious of people who meet colleagues who play MMOs through work! But as usual, they tend to be of the male variety, like your wife has experienced. I just don’t meet female gamers in every day life, I have to know them through my guild or meet them at specific venues like at stores or at conventions.


      • I’m a female tank in MMOs! :D Wish we could be buddies in real life. Thankfully, I hang out with a good amount of female gamers since I work at Ubisoft :) It’s really cool to share the passion with your colleagues. I totally know how you feel though, about games. I did manage to get a few of my female friends interested in some games (not MMOs though, didn’t try)! Skyrim, Baldur’s Gate, usual party games (Mario Kart, etc.), Zelda.


  3. My WoW guild is headed by a female gamer from Hawaii; I hesitate to guess her age, but she’s over 30, I believe. While still majority male, there is a good proportion of females among the raiding level players (the ones I am most likely to hear on Vent).

    Don’t worry, it’s not that common to find MMO gamers, dude or chick. I think it’s funny that your friend got asked if he “liked to play dress up and hold play fights in the park,” probably by some has-been jock, who sits in a living room or basement, watching a game he has no influence on, and then talks as if he is part of the team. Needless to say, I have little respect for sports fans. At least I have an influence on my entertainment.

    One of my buddies from work was teasing me about playing WoW, until I asked about his trip to Wrestlemania.


    • My old guild leader was a 40 something year old housewife and she was great! There’s also a good number of females in the guild I’m in now, probably more than your average. Really, in-game is the only place I can interact with a good population of girl gamers, but it’s not the same thing as what I can get from a face-to-face relationship.

      And haha, it does baffle me when individuals feel they need to belittle other people’s hobbies and personal interests, but I really have nothing against jocks and sports fans specifically :P


  4. First rule of playing MMOs is don’t talk about MMOs.
    I follow that rule. Everyone hates gamers and feel they need to add their 2 cents about why its bad and ask why the hell i play games. Instead i tell them about mowing the lawn.


    • LOL…this reminds me of a day where one of my colleagues asked what I was doing that evening after work. In truth, I had a WoW raid that night. She was a really nice lady and I’m sure she wouldn’t have ridiculed me, but I just told her I was going to meet up with some friends for coffee because trying to explain to her what a raid entailed was going to be way too difficult :P


  5. Enh. Depressing post! Mostly because I can’t find gamer friends male or female to talk about video games with. I doubt i’d feel the need to blog otherwise. anyway. good luck with that.


    • Aww, I didn’t want to sound depressing, but it is slightly frustrating that I can’t find other female gamer friends outside of games. I have some male gamer friends, but still, not too many. And yes, that’s why having a blog is nice :)


  6. I’m having the same problem in reverse. My last gf wasn’t into games at all and created some problems because I’m way too much into MMOs and the like and she was the complete opposite. I need to find someone who at least like geek stuff a bit because I don’t feel like pretending I’m not a geek anymore.


    • It’s always best to find a balance. I once dated this guy who had geeky interests and we were able to share in those. However, he was also severely addicted to WoW. I mean, back then I was a pretty hardcore gamer myself, but his obsession was so bad that even I felt it was getting out of hand. We would play together but he would continue even after I had turned in and went to bed, and wouldn’t stop until 4 or 5am in the morning. Needless to say, that sort of killed our relationship…


      • Ouch…. yeah that way too much geek for me. I should precise that when I say geek I don’t mean no life. I have a job, I wear normal clothes and I can and will hold conversation about non gaming stuff frequently.

        Like you said, balance is best.


  7. Oh yes. Just wait until you get to be 45+. Ha, the fun of being an “endangered species” as a dear friend calls it. I go to my local Games Workshop to chat about converting miniatures, and you cannot believe the stares I get. Or maybe you can. :p

    And I’m certainly not a typical girl gamer when it comes to online games, either. I don’t play healer classes, I prefer PvP, and I like being a main tank (though I prefer being a DPS tank).

    And yep, I totally hear ya about not really connecting with most females. I never wanted kids, so most female talk bores the crap out of me. And I will take a male friend over a female friend any day. Something about men being honest and forthright rather than catty and jealous. Yeah, I know, I’m generalizing.

    But y’know, I wasn’t the only female going to those Sci-Fi and comic conventions back in 1979. So we’re out there. :)


    • I think girl gamers are on the rise with every generation, which is wonderful! And I like being a main tank too, though I have to admit, the pressure starts to take its toll once I get farther and farther into endgame raiding. I’ve never been able to get into PvP though, so I give you major props! :D

      And speaking of female talk, girls love to talk about relationships and it’s always weird when I get asked about how I met my husband. Well, I met him through WoW, but it’s always too complicated to explain. I usually settle for saying I met him through the internet, but that makes people think I met him through eHarmony or something, which is totally different!


      • Yep, the last six guys I dated, I met in-game. (I started playing MMOs in 1995 with The Realm, you see.) Why not date someone who shares your hobby? What, meeting at a football game is so much better? Going out to bars and getting drunk to meet guys is so so much better?

        People have been falling in love via the written word for centuries. This is hardly different, though now we have it easy with real-time chat and email to send photos with. :)

        And when people ask how we met, I tell them the truth and shrug when they look at me like I’ve got two heads. Screw ‘em. I don’t need to justify myself to anyone. (That’s the kind of attitude that comes with middle age, heh.)


      • “What, meeting at a football game is so much better? Going out to bars and getting drunk to meet guys is so so much better?”

        That’s actually what I told my own parents when they spazzed out after finding out I met someone in-game. I think they thought he was like a lech or an axe-murderer or something. The truth is, in this day and age, meeting people on the internet is no more dangerous than meeting up with people in every day life, as long as you use common sense and take the same necessary precautions you would use to stay safe in any situation.

        Definitely with me and my husband, things started out smoothly because we had a hobby in common. Trying to describe online gaming to the uninitiated is tougher than I thought though. My hubby and I were raid leading partners in WoW, it’s hard even when we want to explain what that means to non-gaming people who ask. :P


  8. Most of my “real life” friends have no interest in MMO’s. (btw I hate that term, I made some great friends online, and they are quite real, and I consider them my friend)

    Well one time a girl was talking and let slip a Lord of the Rings reference. I replied…”One Ring to Rule them all, One ring to find them…”

    You thought George Clooney walked in the room, she was so delighted to find someone amongst her friends that was just as geeky as her.

    I think there are many more closet geek girls out there, but they are afraid of coming out of the closet.


    • I think the term “real life” is an adequate enough term to use to describe things that go on in your life outside of in-game time. Most people understand what it means when used in context, even though I’m sure we all realize the people we game with are as real as you or me. :P In any case, it’s to differentiate between the people you meet online and the people you see in every day life, those you can talk to face to face, not to mention it’s faster and easier to type too. :D

      I wish more geeks would come out of the closet! I wear my WoW shirts out sometimes to see if anyone would notice and talk to me about WoW. It worked one time, at an airport…it was a guard at the security checkpoint lol.


  9. I wonder if it’s easier as a guy to let my geek flag fly. I don’t often ferret out any girl gamers, but that’s why we have the internet.


    • I let my geek flag fly sometimes because even though I hate to admit this, it’s easier if you’re an attractive female and you know the response you’ll get will be less judgmental. I’ve been used this way though. A couple years ago while I still in college, I worked in a comic book store. I was hired because I knew my comic stuff, but the owner even straight out told me that parking me behind a the counter helped sell more books. I’m still not sure how I felt about that.


  10. I’m not sure it is that much easier as a guy than it is as a girl.

    IRL I know three other guys that play MMOs, not really that high a number when I think of all of the people that I know.

    Of those three 2 of them won’t talk about MMOs / gaming in general in what they refer to as “mixed company” i.e with non-gamers who they are afraid might judge them.

    The other one is quite happy to let his geek flag fly, much like myself. We work together and quite regularly end up having discussions about WOW, PWI or LOTRO (we designed our kinship website mostly in the office)….

    The problem is that you do end up being viewed/treated differently as a result of being open about your gaming.

    There is a guy who wears unwashed deathmetal t-shirts to work who picks his nose and eats it and at age 32 is a virgin living in his parents spare room.

    He rags on us about being “Saddos” who live our lives through a game because we can’t function in the real world.

    Kind of interesting seeing as I have a long term partners and a step-child, my co-worker/guildee is married and expecting his 3rd, we both have large circles of friends and do fairly normal family type BS… sure we would rather be raiding but hey thats our business.

    My point is that even though geekiness, gaming and a whole raft of other nerdy pasttimes have been acceptable and cool there does seem to be this unwarranted stigma attached to playing MMOs.

    It seems that to admit to playing MMOs is to basically wear a giant sign stating that you are socially inept and literally as soon as leaving the office put on a cape and starting LARPING / jacking it over a handful of D20s in a basement (that we both still play D&D is another matter).

    So even with my differing anatomy I feel your pain


    • Yeah, I don’t think it’s that much easier as a guy, now that I’m reading other comments from people. It seems there are different challenges, regardless of gender.

      You’re right about the stigma. I don’t know why it is that online gamers get such a bad rap, more so than other type of gamers. It’s probably because the only time online gaming ever makes the news is always when some obsessive WoW-nut or another goes crazy or loses their job or spouse or whatever…it’s just frustrating because it makes people think that all of us online gamers are these socially inept losers.


  11. I would never tell anybody I work with I play WoW. Even tho most of them play console games, WoW is for nerds in their eyes. That is probably why I’m not friends with any of the hillbillies


    • LOL I was friends with my co-workers, but I still didn’t tell them. People who don’t know any better think WoW is like crack and picture their players as obsessive nerds who place priority on the game over anything else in life. I didn’t want them falsely wondering if I spent all night raiding if I happen to show up bleary eyed at the office one morning in truth because I was sick.


  12. I find myself in this boat quite a bit, despite being a guy, and fairly good at the “social skills” (at least, I’ve always thought I was fairly good…).

    But I don’t really have anyone with whom I can discuss gaming – MMOs in particular. I think this is why I started blogging. My wife doesn’t game, only one co-worker played MMOs (despite working in a large IT department) and, one, he didn’t play the same game as me and, two, he quit playing when getting his Masters’ got “in the way”. I don’t discuss my hobbies at work, or socially, except with the few gamers I know (my sister, though she’s a console jockey…)

    In a lot of ways, I prefer this. It keeps me balanced; if not for my wife and kids, I’d probably spend all of my time behind a computer screen – both at work and at home. But on the other hand, there are times when I’d really like to sit down, face-to-face with someone and talk LotRO.

    I’ve actually found that blogging has both helped, and hindered. It helps to get my thoughts down, and have a “discussion”, even if it is mostly one-way. But, as I’ve tried to become more involved in the MMO community, I’ve found it exacerbates those feelings of missing a kindred spirit. I used to be a “marginal gamer” – I spent a lot of time gaming, and followed a news site or two, but that was about it. Now that I’m getting more involved, MMOs dominate my thinking a lot more!

    So it goes.


    • Wow, so much of that reflects the way I feel, from the thoughts about blogging to the feeling of becoming more involved in the MMO community.

      I originally started this blog so I could get my thoughts across to people who cared about this stuff, and even though writing has helped, like I said in my post, sometimes it’s also made me wish for more friends that play MMOs so I can talk to someone about them face to face.


      • *smile* Sometimes I feel a little sad about it, like when I watched the Hope trailer for the first time and really had no one to run to to geek out about it.

        But mostly I just feel like this is something new – the finding and building of friendship in virtual playgrounds. Not much different from what we did as kids, just that we don’t get to meet. There’s something to be said for meeting in the Real World, though!


  13. Part of the reason I enjoy reading other people’s experiences in MMO’s is because it is a niche hobby that I can’t share with everyone. So I just wanted to let you know that your post really resonated with me because we are coming from a similar background.

    I was a bit of a tomboy growing up and even though I had girl friends and did “girly” things like playing with dolls, I could also be found outside climbing trees and playing various sports with the boys in the neighborhood. When we got our first gaming console (Atari) I was entralled. I’ve always gravitated towards games, fantasy books and fairy tales and even cartoons. I’m much more at ease around males than I am with females. I largely think it is because I know guys accept me for who I am, whereas I feel other females are continuously judging me. And I’ve also noticed the surprise of males when they find out I’m into gaming, shooting guns, or even watching UFC, but once they realize I know what I’m talking about it turns into a mutual respect.

    I don’t talk about MMO’s at work and would never dream of mentioning it to random people I meet. Even women who I know on a deeper level do not know about my hobby, not even my own family. It is difficult to have an interest that plays such a major role in your life but feel like you have to hide it. So I have to say you are braver than I for even mentioning it to your friends even if they aren’t really interested.

    I see myself as just a regular American girl, who is very much in love with her husband, who has really strong values and loves to cook and be a good homemaker and all that, but who also loves adventure and is not afraid to take some risk in life. And who just happens to like kicking butt as a virtual Elf in a fantasy world, wearing really cool outfits and shooting lightning from her fingers (I’m a runekeeper in LotRO these days.) I think more women would get into MMOs if they could get past the stigma in their own minds that it is only something geeky guys do.

    It makes me feel better at least to know that there are other women out there who share my love for MMO’s. Even if I can’t meet them in person and can only read their detached thoughts on a virtual page. So even though I don’t comment always (because my company blocks me from doing so), I certainly do relate!


    • That pretty much sums up how I feel. It’s interesting that you mention MMOs as an interest that plays such a major role in your life but feel you have to hide it…because it’s true. I can imagine sitting around the table during a dinner party chatting about liking woodworking, baking, or coin collecting, but online gaming? Forget it. Not only do people think it’s a “nerd” thing, some still think gaming is only for the immature (probably hence the still-living-at-home-in-your-parents’-basement stereotype)…needless to say, it doesn’t really fly as a good conversation topic.

      It does make me feel better that others feel this way too, and that having a lack of MMO gamer friends is normal. Hearing about how these games have “millions” of subscribers make you think that everyone and their mothers play MMOs, but the reality is finding others who do can be quite difficult :P


  14. Really enjoyed your post! :) I always like hearing about the mix of real life and MMOs.

    I think people just love confirming to stereotypes and mocking other ones. It’s natural to belong to a certain group and hate the others I guess. It must be especially tough for women because being a gamer is so rare. Still, I for one think it’s pretty darn cool ;)

    And if it makes you feel any better my brother is a hardcore C++ programmer in an office full of geeks and they all constantly take the piss out of him for liking WoW! :D


    • Wish more people other gamers would think girl gamers are cool :P And LOL, guess being a WoW player means getting a hard time from everyone :D


  15. Very few of my friends even know I play MMO and then very few of them really care. I probably liked the ones that actually embraced my gaming though. I’ve liked games since I was a kid and love of games is what sped my love of fantasy worlds and the like.

    At work few of co-workers know I play games but to them it like a completely different reality that they have no clue about and just don’t get it at all. So i barely ever say much about it as well. Unless the conversation comes up i just never say anything. Its like real odd when you mention MMO’s around your co-workers they think your from a different planet almost. When i get hope I just play and enjoy the fact that I can enjoy my gaming without a care whatever else they may think. They even think its wired that I blog and more so even more wired that I blog about a game lol.


    • LOL I think I’d be okay with telling my friends or co-workers that I blog. I think that’s normal enough…but I would probably never tell them it’s about games though :P

      And I do have a couple friends that embrace my MMO gaming, even if they don’t get it or are bored by it. That’s why my best friend and I get along so well, really…she doesn’t play MMOs, but she’ll listen to me go on about them and won’t find me weird :P


  16. [...] MMOGamerChick discusses being a girl and liking MMOs. [...]


  17. I don’t know why people who play MMOs so often are so quick to ridicule LARPers. It’s like we say, heck, I’m geeky but I’m not *that* geeky…

    I had some good friends at my last job who loved LARP and basically planned their whole summer around it. I went with them once, and it was amazing crazy fun! I didn’t expect to enjoy it, and I thought they were sort of freaks for liking it so much, but I was wrong. It’s an intensely creative hobby, not to mention great exercise. And there was a very supportive tight-knit community feeling, better than any guild. It’s probably a lot healthier (both physically and socially) than what I do with my free time. If I hadn’t moved out of state I’d probably be a die-hard LARPer by now myself.

    We don’t like it when people ridicule our hobby. Knowing how it feels, why are we so quick to turn the same caricature on theirs?


    • I don’t think MMO gamers are ridiculing LARPers so much as they are rejecting being falsely identified with something they’re not. For example, it bugs me sometimes that when I say I’m into comics, some people assume I must be into manga and anime as well. I have nothing against people who like manga and anime, but don’t automatically assume.

      Granted, I’m sure there are those who do look down on LARPers, but personally, they’re cool in my books even though their hobby isn’t my thing (sometimes I like to watch though). Still, if someone thought I LARP’d just because I told them I played MMOs, I’d probably be just as annoyed as my guildie.


  18. LOL! This post is full of win!

    I too, never mention my gamerness IRL. My current company is the exception. It’s so geeky that I have mentioned that I used to play WoW (3 years), and am currently steady-dating Guild Wars, but still Seeing Other Games on the side.

    Otherwise, I never, ever, EVER bring up MMOs. Ever.

    People just look at me funny. :(

    RE: Girltanks
    While I do usually pick the healer archetype, I’m also one of those players who likes to play… everything, to learn it, to experiment, and really just for plain fun.

    So in addition to healers, I also, in WoW, had 3 tanks (there were only 3 back then, I quit just as WotLK came out). Yes, all three. XD

    This may or may not mean anything to the newer WoW players, but as a warrior tank, before the WotlK ‘preview’ changes went in… I could aoe tank Shattered Halls heroic on my warrior.

    This isn’t just e-peening (though there is a little of it, I admit. =) for a girly, I sure do have a lot of peen!). It’s also that most of the people I ran with regularly as a tank, presumed I was a guy. Some of them were really shocked when they found out I was a girly. Why? ‘Too good.’ I know, I know, it’s insulting. And yet in the context of MMOs (sad things that it says about them), I didn’t find it insulting… just.. typical. I couldn’t even blame them!

    On the flip side – healers were my main. Holy priest in Vanilla, Tree in TBC. And there again, people labelled me ‘girl’, and then were Horribly, Horribly shocked when it turned out that *I COULD TANK WELL* – just like I told them I could. Oh and good DPS was shocking too. Even though I told them I could.

    Weird, innit?


    • AoE tanking SH back in the day is impressive! And yes, for a girl I can have quite a big epeen too sometimes :P

      As female tanks, I think we get patronized much less…I mean, when you’re the MT for a raid, you either bring it or you don’t, there’s no in-between or let’s-go-easy-on-her because the whole raid is depending on you not to screw up and get everyone killed :P


  19. “I mean, I’m female, but that fact has little to nothing to do with how I experience games…”

    Are you kidding me? For what it’s worth, I think your femininity comes through your blogging, and also your approach to games. Maybe you’re not very self-conscious about it because you are, well, “you” – and you probably seem very normal to yourself, so you might assume everyone is like you. (Was that a tongue twister?) What I mean is that I think we all normalize our own experiences and assume that’s what most people’s experiences are like.

    Anyways, for exhibit A, I give you: A Post Dedicated to my Bioware Boyfriends.

    “…and for the most part I think my posts have been pretty gender-neutral (all right, we’re not counting the ones where I gush about my crushes on video game characters, okay?)”

    I see you’ve made my point already :P But seriously, I think it’s there! I think the confusing part is that what I would consider “female” characteristics aren’t exclusively female. Guys and girls have a lot of commonality, and there is a lot of variation within each gender, so you can’t say something exclusively belongs to one gender. But there is something to be said about how your main focus in games seems to be the community aspect or the relationships/character development. Again, not exclusively a female thing, but I think there’s a strong correlation there.

    Oh, and dressing your character up. Let’s not forget about that :P (you like that, right?)

    Oh, and I think it comes through in your tone of writing, too :P These are good things!


    • Haha, I see you already know what I mean. I talk about things from a female’s point of view sometimes, but a lot of it is tongue-in-cheek or it’s just me being deliberately over-girly. But as you’ve pointed out already, a lot of what I write about isn’t exclusively a female thing, but like I feel can be considered gender-neutral. I don’t usually talk about how I view gaming as a female because like I said I don’t think my experiences actually differ that much from a male’s. I’ve never been given special treatment because of my gender in MMOs either, so there’s nothing I can really talk about “from a girl’s point of view”.

      You’re right though, I do often focus on subjects like community and other social aspects, more than say, PvP, which is often seen as more a “guy thing” (though I’m aware there are women who like PvP and props to all my fellow girl gamers out there who love to kick ass in this area!) and indeed, I do enjoy doing things like accessorizing my characters and decorating my LOTRO house :P And I’m certainly glad for readers like you who put up with my silliness :D


      • Yeah… maybe you can’t pick one particular thing and say, “see? this makes you a female gamer.” But I think in the overall picture and tone, it comes through. It feels somehow palpable :P Maybe it’s subtle, too.


  20. [...] is how acutely some people’s concerns are resonating with me. I mean, just last week I wrote a post about my reluctance at sharing the fact I play MMOs with friends and acquaintances, especially with the people I work [...]


  21. I’m a girl and I’ve always loved games. Anything.WoW, MW3, ME3, etc. I have this same problem. Its always males. I can never find any females that game. And the ones that do play games that are and I quote, “suitable for the environment and non-violent.” it’s hard to find gamer girls. More than not, all the gamers I meet are guys. I have this same problem and I hope I can find some gamer girls someday.



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