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Sims 3 Saturday: Simply 82

September 15, 2012

(Actually, 84. I knew sooner or later I would screw up the count. Thanks for the catch, Rowan!)

Welcome back to Sims 3 Saturday, as we carry on with Week 7 of our Family Man challenge. Last week, we saw my Sim’s family tree explode as he continues to go full steam on his procreation rampage through the neighborhood. We were up to 69 offspring, and this number can only go higher as my Sim begins to spiral more and more out of control with his caddish ways.

As always, we begin with the birth announcements, welcoming a wave of new babies to the neighborhood of Sunset Valley: Tracy Connors gave birth to twin girls, bringing our total up to 71. Juliet Stump gave birth to twins, making it 73. Toya Reid gave birth to a boy, baby number 74. Kaylynn Langerak, my Sim’s current sweetheart, gave birth to another set of twin girls, thus bringing the count to 76.

Sunset Valley’s women have all entered their sunset years!

The birthrate is slowing down noticeably, but it’s certainly not for the lack of trying on my Sim’s part. In truth, as fast as the neighborhood is filling up with his children, we are running out of eligible game-generated female Sims who are of child-bearing age just as quickly. Not surprisingly, we have a growing aging population. Recall that not long ago, my own Sim became an elder, so it makes sense that all his peers would be getting on in years as well.

But while we’re on the topic of neighborhood demographics, there’s a more pressing concern. On a routine walk out to the community lots to meet new people, we see that the majority of the town are elementary-school aged or younger, and they all have one thing in common — half their genetic code comes from my Sim. If we don’t get some new blood into Sunset Valley and STAT!, in another generation everyone in the neighborhood is going to be related to each other in one way or another.

Jamie Jolina, AKA Dr. Sexy, M.D.

In any case, it appears just strolling around downtown isn’t going to cut it anymore. My Sim began adopting a more aggressive strategy to meeting new people — methodically visiting one house after another, greeting its inhabitants, and allowing himself to be invited inside if there is an eligible woman in the household. Gutsy, very gutsy. This was how he met Jamie Jolina, looking bold and lively in her designer glasses. She’s a doctor at the local hospital, which probably explains her busy schedule as she seems to be constantly unavailable whenever my Sim tries to call her over to woohoo.

My Sim also met Lisa Bunch, Sandi French, and Alicia Schwab with his door-to-door propositioning. Whoa, where did all these Sims come from all of a sudden? Apparently, just as Kaylynn Langerak aged up from teenager to adult last week, so have all the other youth in the previous generation. It doesn’t even bother my Sim anymore, he’s crossed that line and is already too far gone.

Then one day, it all comes crashing down. It was a day like any other day, on a trip like any other trip to Central Park. All of a sudden, the sun stopped shining, the birds stopped singing, and the air grew cold. In the near distance, my Sim saw the dreaded figure — it was the dark shadow of the Grim Reaper, wielding his menacing scythe, headed straight for him. At that very moment, my Sim knew deep in his heart, that this was it. His time had come.

There is only one thing we say to Death: “Not today!”

But actually, no. To his surprise, Grim was actually there for another poor Sim. But for a second there, I actually thought it was the end for my Sim. After all, he’s already lived several days past the “average” Sim lifespan; it wouldn’t have been that big a surprise. Anyway, as Death led away the ghost of the deceased, I guess my traumatized Sim had an epiphany: It was time to live a better life! A more honest life! And the first thing he was going to do was tell all the past women in his life how he has wronged them!

To do that, he had plans to invite the mothers of his children to a huge outdoor pool party at the community center. Attire: Swimwear. Time: in the middle of the night. Um, are you sure about that, Sim?

As you’d expect, it didn’t go well at all. He didn’t even get a chance to make his apology speech! As soon as the first woman showed up to greet him with a scorcher of a kiss, the cat was out of the bag. All the other scandalized women at the party took exception immediately, indicated by the furious thought bubbles that began popping up all over their heads. Because Sims are gregarious and cordial by nature (or more like the game mechanics just couldn’t handle the animation of a 12-person dogpile), every one of them literally lined up in a neat little row waiting for their turn to chew out my Sim.

My Sim present at the formation of his anti-fan club.

Needless to say, it was the crappiest pool party ever thrown in the history of Sunset Valley. There was no food, no music, no swimming, but there were plenty of fist fights! By the time the last woman got done beating up my Sim, it was 2am in the morning and the event was over, and my Sim had to walk around with the “humiliated” moodlet for days. This is what you get for honesty.

Recall Iliana Langerak from last week, who is also Kaylynn Langerak’s mother. My Sim has woohoo’ed both of them, fathered their children, but they are a special case and were spared the disastrous pool party. My Sim still has feelings for Kaylynn, and was hoping to take their relationship to the next level, but this meant he had to break it off with Iliana. Since Iliana’s also Kaylynn’s mother and familial ties took precedent, he wanted to salvage what he could with the elder Langerak if it was at all possible (don’t count on it).

Things started off okay. My Sim invited Iliana over for a little chat, working up to the point where he will confess his attraction for her daughter (and I’m not even joking, there is actually an option to “confess attraction to Kaylynn.”) However, it might not have been as prudent to point out the fact that Iliana wasn’t getting any younger and that in a few days she would become an elder and wouldn’t be able to have any more children in any case. Aha! Out comes the truth of why he wants to cut her loose!

I don’t think offering her a drink is going to make it any better…

Iliana was livid and began acting strangely. Between mocking and throwing insults at my Sim, she did things like run around his house like a maniac, sleep in his bed, and rummage through his garbage! Um, I take it that means she’s breaking up with him? I’d like to think that his confession about her daughter actually caused Iliana to lose her mind, but more realistically she probably possesses the “inappropriate” trait, which causes Sims to act erratically in social situations. Damn, I really hope she didn’t pass that on to the son she and my Sim had.

Sweet, conscientious Kaylynn was certainly spared the trait. She came over when my Sim called her next (after showing her mother the door, before that crazy lady could do further damage to his house) and said yes when he proposed that they go steady! Kaylynn was so happy that she began jumping for joy and then…caught my Sim when he leaped into her arms? What a woman! However, I might point out that he did refrain from telling her about his other relationships or his six dozen or so other children that are running wild throughout the neighborhood. He may be coming around, but he’s not crazy!

“Oof! You need to start laying off the waffles!”

On the next round of births, Kaylynn gave birth to yet another pair of twin girls. That makes 78, not to mention that’s a total of 3 sets of twins for Kaylynn now, and all girls — Brook, Gabrielle, Sha Sha (eh? What kind of baby book are you getting these names from, Sims 3?), Elizabeth, Cara, and Barbara! Jamie Jolina, she of the medical degree and sexy glasses gave birth to twins too, making that 80 children for my Sim. Kaylynn’s mother Iliana Langerak also gave birth to twins — oops, I’d forgotten that she was pregnant already when he broke up with her. But anyway, that’s 82! The Langerak family tree is now looking quite odd, considering my Sim is the father of every baby and child on it:

Tracy Connor also gave birth, though it was a funny story because she was one of the women I invited to that infamous party at the community pool. She was still very angry and for some reason came to my Sim’s house — to further reprimand him, no doubt — but suddenly went into labor in the middle of her tirade! But this time, I knew enough to get him to bring her to the hospital to hopefully try and score some brownie points. Apparently it worked, because right after giving birth to another set of twins (84!), Tracy and my Sim were in bed woohooing again, and she was expecting once more!

Let’s head to the hospital in style in an ice cream truck!

Look, I know my Sim is trying hard to turn his life around, but baby steps, okay? /pun. At least he’s not spending every waking moment of his life woohooing like he used to, now it’s like…maybe half that time.

Speaking of which, a new family moved in down the street. My Sim had the pleasure of meeting one of its members, Tamara Donner. Within hours, they were in bed and trying for a baby. Ugh, he just can’t help it.

9 comments

  1. You know those horror movies where a group of teens get stranded in a town full of inbred killers and are then slowly hunted and murdered one by one? Ever wonder how that town got so inbred and crazy to start…


    • LOL, now I’m all agitated because I can’t think of the movie you’re thinking of. The Hills Have Eyes? Texas Chainsaw Massacre?


  2. 82 children!? That is hilarious! I miss playing the Sims… When I was a younger version of myself I had a female character that just went around Wahooing, but that is much less fun to the chaos you are getting to make! Thanks for sharing this. :)


    • Glad you enjoyed! Though I’m just an amateur, I’ve seen Sims players tackle the family man challenge who have managed upwards of 200 children! O_o


  3. This is just priceless. You MUST give us a screenshot or your family tree at the end.


    • There definitely will be a final screenshot of the family tree. It took 4 screens to get it all :D


  4. Tracy’s twins make 84. Iliana’s were 81 and 82. An even 7 dozen!


    • Ack, you’re right! Damn, with so many children I knew it was just a matter of time that I’ll screw up the count!


  5. [...] to a sharp-eyed reader who pointed it out to me in the comment section, I realized I made an error last week and tallied up a total of 82 for the number of children my Sim has fathered, when the real total is [...]



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