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Fight Like A Khitan

May 14, 2010

So, you want to learn how to fight like the ancient masters, little grasshopper?

Xiaohuli: Yes, sifu, but um, my name is “Little Fox” actually. You didn’t just get the species wrong, you sort of missed the entire phylum–

SILENCE, FOOL GIRL! Do you want to pwn face or not?!

Xiaohuli: Yes, sifu, I do.

Then you shall go forth and master the legendary arts of the mighty polearm, grasshopper. Take this most sacred weapon of the celestial heavens, acquaint yourself with its power, use it to bring honor to all your ancestors who have wielded it before you.

Xiaohuli: This is a rusty pitchfork…

/facepalm. Insolent girl who say dumb things get hit with Five Point Palm Exploding Heart technique.

Xiaohuli: Okay, okay, I’ll do what you say. Just…keep that Pai Mei stuff away from me. So then, what are we going to learn first?

First, we shall master the Divine ROFLcopter technique of the Thousand River Hands! Twirl that mighty pitchfork, twirl!

Xiaohuli: Too easy, sifu, give me another one!

Very well, cocky little grasshopper. Perhaps the Magnificent Imperial Roaring Monkey Slam technique shall humble you.

Xiaohuli: Hai-YA! I'll blow your throat up!

That’s it! Good! Good! Now the Jumping Jab of the Wavering Mystical Lotus!

Xiaohuli: Like this?

Yes, yes! Very impressive! You have been a very good student, young one, and there is little more I can teach you now…save one last technique. But you must use it wisely, grasshopper — its touch is death, a secret power revered by the heavenly ancients, not to be used improperly or without care.

Xiaohuli: Okay, shoot. What fancy move is it going to be this time? The Invincible Smash of the Dancing Ox? The Laughing Emperor’s Harmonious Crush? The Shadow Strike of the Mad Chrysanthemum-Blossom?

Behold, the Emasculating Thrust of the Gushing Groin!

Xiaohuli: Ah. *squish* Just like grape.

(By the way, I am loving my polearm/pitchfork twirling Guardian. Can you tell?)

18 comments

  1. LOL Looks . . . bloody! ;P


  2. That last bit was… uncomfortable.

    (Says the guy that burns his enemies to death.)


    • Ah, nothing can beat those fire related fatalities.

      By the way, I don’t know if this will help at all, but she doesn’t actually go for the groin when she does her fatal thrust, I just happen to have several amusing screenshots where it looks like she does πŸ˜›


  3. I am feeling uncomfortable now.


  4. I played Guardian during launch. Sword and Board was fun, but I like your storytelling of a spear wielder. πŸ˜€

    Found you through other blogs on my blogroll, btw. Hope you don’t mind if I add you to my feed and blogroll listings! πŸ˜€


    • Not at all! Only if you let me return the favor! πŸ™‚ I remember having been to Games and Geekery several times myself! Great stuff!


      • Thanks. Anyway, enough procrastinating for me. Have more academic stuff that needs writing now! πŸ™‚

        I hope to see more of your entries on AOC. As it stands, I’m now quite torn between playing that or resubbing to EQ2.


  5. Lol good stuff!


  6. Those poor people in AoC all seems to have crazy high blood pressure problems… look at that blodd fly!


    • This made me LOL πŸ˜›

      Living it up in Hyboria is stressful times!


  7. Yay It looks like your having a lot of fun and the polearm looks great. I always thought that Gaurdian looked cool. The only thing is I hear they are really slow levelers so I’ve stayed away.


    • On that note, perhaps I need to make one instead of my BS; I love my DT so Guard is probably more up my alley. However, that would mean more instances for loot if we ever run together but, thats not so bad. Besides Plate looks badass compared to all the other gear in this game.


      • But…if we ever run anything together, you’re our only healer!

        LOL, just kidding, of course you should play whatever you want or whatever think is fun, but I did notice out of all of us in AyAitch’s guild now you’re the only one who can heal πŸ˜› Rowan rolled a priest of mitra though, if I remember correctly, so if he is able to join us once he gets back online…

        Guardians are a lot of fun so far, good variety of moves even at the puny level I am now. That and the awesome animations are a big plus πŸ˜›


      • Hahaha Don’t worry I probably wont do it anyway. I’m more musing to myself the possibilities. I’m perhaps the worst atloholic I know and I really need to just focus on one Khitian character no matter what it will just take me a few days and some willpower.


      • Who needs a healer? Just kill stuff faster.


    • Yeah that was what I was worried about too, but a quick scan of the forums told me that the leveling speed is bearable if you go polearm instead of sword and board and sink your points into Tempest. I thought I’d give that a shot.


  8. Wow. Just wow. I’m particularly impressed that you could make that one guy explode just my slamming the ground.


    • I don’t even know, I have a feeling blood just spurts randomly whenever as soon as you enter combat πŸ˜›



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