The Bestest Loading Screen Ever

May 23, 2010

Loading screens are a real pain in the butt, especially when they seem to chug along at a snail’s pace. But at least in Age of Conan, you get to look at some nice artwork. I am obsessed with this particular piece:

First of all, it’s a gorgeous piece of work and whoever painted it has got some real talent, but that’s not the only reason I like it. Every time it pops up, it makes me wonder just what the hell is going on. Okay, at first glance, a drunken brawl seems to be taking place. But then you’ve got these long, slim legs dancing on the table, and a guy sitting across from me pimping it up with a couple of wenches. They don’t seem to care all that much about the chaos happening around them, or notice that a hulking patron behind them is about to hurl a man at their heads.

Speaking of which, I love that look beardo’s giving me. I generally dislike scruffy-ness, and judging by the state of his matted hair I’m going to guess he hasn’t bathed in days — yet he still manages to look magnificently delicious. It’s gotta be the abs. But then, I’m also going to assume as the viewer I’m male here because that’s definitely a man-hand grasping that cup in the foreground…which begs the question, why is  it ME he’s undressing with those eyes when he’s surrounded by two scantily-clad women and a pair of sexy legs?

The REAL reason I love this image though, is the bar-stool-wielding woman on the left, whose enthusiasm I find both brassy and delightful. She is EXACTLY the kind of person I want my AoC character to be — a WWE wench.


  1. Personally, I like the dancing legs. Which is the focus of the lusty look your pimp is throwing, methinks.

  2. agree with the above

  3. I’ve always enjoyed the stool wielding woman too. She seems to be brandishing that furniture with so much gusto thats its hard not to want me female characters to emulate her. Isn’t that belt in game too? I swear I’ve seen it.

  4. I always liked beardo as well. Must be the eyeliner.

  5. The expression on his face is just amazing. I’m just going to pretend those eyes are looking at me, thanks 😛

    And I don’t think I’ve noticed that belt in game, but then again there’s probably a lot of armor I haven’t seen yet.

  6. I was looking at the picture, I think he is looking at the holder of the mug. Maybe he’s brewing with anger, and going to hop up and beat the crap out of you. Being a bouncer I’ve been apart of these “types” of scenes. A guy seething with rage just eyeing his enemy.

  7. I think it was seeing this art during the loading screens that convinced me to upgrade from a trial to a year’s (!) subscription. The bar-stool-wielding wench is definitely my favorite, too.

    From beardo, I got the sense that he’s some sort of awesome adventurer who is starting to run low on the bling, like Conan in Conan the Barbarian gets after his theft from Doom’s tower.

    I think it’s pretty telling that Massively’s column on Aoc, The Anvil of Crom, ends each editorial by linking this picture.

    • Wow, I hardly ever read the Massively editorials but I’m glad I’m not the only one who enjoys this loading screen.

      • I can’t stand the writer for their STO feature, but The Anvil of Crom weekly piece is really good. I recommend it.

  8. I totally love the AoC loading screens too, especially the one with the Khitan demon-ninjas 🙂 Strangely enough I never got the feeling that the guy was looking directly at me… but then I was probably too busy looking at the other people to notice 😛

  9. Got the impression he was looking at me and thinking “good, he’s here; now I can collect my damned gold”.

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