Sims 3 Saturday: RIP Sim, Survived By His 98 Children

Well, as you’ve probably already guessed from the title, after eight weeks of propagation madness, this will be the final installment of my blog’s Sims 3 Saturday series. As the rules state, the Family Man challenge ends when your Sim dies, and sadly (but in a not entirely unanticipated turn of events), the Grim Reaper finally got around to visiting my Sim during my last play session. Anyway, there will be time for the heartbreaking details later, but first there’s drama to be had and newborn babies to be counted.

Speaking of which, thanks to a sharp-eyed reader who pointed it out to me in the comment section, I realized I made an error last week and tallied up a total of 82 for the number of children my Sim has fathered, when the real total is actually 84! At the rate my Sim breeds, I just knew I was going to make a mistake sooner or later. So, this week, when Tracy Connor gave birth to a baby boy, that actually makes 85. Tamara Donner, the new Sim who moved in down the street, also gave birth to a boy for 86. Lisa Bunch, another new romance, gave birth to twins, making that 88. Back on track.

There’s also Jamie Jolina, the young attractive doctor my Sim met last week, who gave birth to her second set of twins for an even 90. Yeah, methinks that medical career of hers is going bye-bye for a little while, considering all that’s been on her plate lately, as evidenced by that time she came over to my Sim’s house for a quickie. Overtired, the two of them promptly fell asleep after their wild bout of woohooing, completely forgetting the fact that Jamie had brought along one of their kids when she came over. 3am and the poor helpless and neglected toddler finally keeled over from exhaustion, only to wake up on the cold floor to his crazy parents screaming down at him for doing absolutely nothing wrong!

Parenting fail.

Kaylynn Langerak, my Sim’s “official” girlfriend, also gave birth to her last child for a total of eight Sims for her household, bumping the total to 91. This latest bundle of joy was also a girl, making that seven baby girls for Kaylynn! Mark my words, that house is going to implode in a few Sim weeks, when all of them inevitably go through puberty at around the same time.

Perhaps sensing his end was near, as you’d recall, last week my Sim also resolved to be a better person. That includes being a better father. Whoever dubbed this challenge the “Family Man Challenge” obviously did it for the irony, but hey, that doesn’t mean my Sim can’t at least attempt to live up to the name!

The first thing he did was look up his eldest son, the first child he ever fathered with Fiona McIrish waaaay back in the first week. The boy that began it all, Edmund McIrish was now a teenager. My, how quickly time flies! My Sim hopes his firstborn will grow up to be a good man, and not turn out to be an insensitive womanizer and neglectful parent like his old dad.

Half-brothers and they don’t even know it.

At least things are looking good on that front, as Edmund appears to have a way with kids. He came over to the house while babysitting his mom’s friend’s son Fred French (who incidentally, if you’ll remember the Fiona McIrish/Molly French fiasco, is also my Sim’s child) and appears to be doing a much better job taking care of the little guy than a couple of the women my Sim has brought over to his house. Ahem, Jamie Jolina, I’m looking at you.

Next, my Sim decided to better get to know his children by throwing a party inviting as many of them as he could. Obviously, inviting close to a hundred kids to the house at the same time would crash my computer faster than a blimp in a hurricane, but seeing as most of them were toddlers and infants anyway, we made do with filling the guest list with about a dozen of his children who were elementary school aged or older. Since so many of them were also on the verge of aging up, it only made sense to make it a birthday party! We’ll decide who will get the honors later.

It’s a good thing all these children are my Sim’s own kids, because otherwise, an elderly man inviting a bunch of the neighborhood boys and girls over to his house for a party would be pretty creepy even by Sims 3 standards. Determined to provide a great time for his little ones, my Sim bought all new outdoor activity furniture and equipment for his backyard. A barbecue grill and picnic tables! Swings! A jungle gym and playset!

You children are creeping me out.

Well, that turned out to be a waste of time and money. All his kids wanted to do was sit inside and do homework. Oh well, I guess he can take pride in the fact that all his children are such good, studious Sims. When it came time for dinner, my Sim ordered a couple boxes of pizza because, hey kids, the only two things your old man knows how to cook are waffles and autumn salad (which doesn’t even really count)!

Finally, time to blow out the birthday candles! I randomly chose Jodi Ansari to age up. She was perhaps the third or fourth of my Sim’s children to become a teenager, but her birthday was special because my Sim was actually there to witness the transition. *Sniff*, my Sim can’t help but get a little teary-eyed. His kids are growing up!

Holy crap, Jodi Ansari just exploded into a cloud of stars!

And yet, new ones are still being born. Time for another wave of babies! Tamara had twins, 93! Jamie had a boy, 94! Lisa also had a boy, 95! Sandi French, a new romance my Sim managed to sneak in between all the partying (thankfully not during all the partying), also ended up giving birth to a boy, for a total of 96.

It’s a wonder that my Sim still had time to go out and meet new people, but he did go out for a meal one time and had the pleasure of making the acquaintance of one Blair Wainwright – a local policewoman. Maybe when she stays over, robbers will stop trying to break into my Sim’s house at night and try to steal his stuff while he’s sleeping?

Anyway, my Sim went through the motions, inviting Blair over to his house before turning on the charms to try and get her to woohoo with him. For some inexplicable reason, all this took place in his second floor bathroom. I don’t know why, that’s probably just where they happened to end up randomly, but it’s something my Sim will regret for the rest of his life…which didn’t turn out to be very long at all!

Right as things were heating up between my Sim and Blair, the Grim Reaper chose that very moment to show up! Well thanks, Grimmy, nothing kills the mood (har har) faster than Death himself knocking at the door. It was there my Sim finally died of old age, with a traumatized Blair looking on as Grims led his ghost away.

Oh look, my Sim wants to sleep. Careful what you wish for, eh?

Epilogue

Two more of my Sim’s children were born after his death. Alicia Schwab was the last woman he romanced and she gave birth to twins, bringing the final total of the number of children he fathered to 98. At just shy of 100 children, I have a new personal record for the Sims 3 Family Man Challenge.

My Sim being the only member of his household and with him now dead, I had to switch over to another active household if I wished to continue playing. I decided to choose Edmund McIrish’s household. As my Sim’s firstborn, I felt that was appropriate. The fact that he was also the first of all my Sim’s children to become a young adult helped. Because of it, I was able to move him out of his old house and into the one in which his father used to live. Edmund went upstairs where he found my Sim’s urn in the place where he had died, right in the middle of the bathroom floor. What a terrible place to expire.

There are no restrictions in Sims 3 about burying bodies in your own backyard.

I ended up placing his grave in the backyard by the garage and beside the big tree. There are no funerals in the original Sims 3, but Edmund decided to invite a bunch of his half-brothers and sisters to a gathering at the house anyway, so they could say good bye their dearly departed dad together. Many more of them have grown to become high school aged now, and despite my Sim’s efforts to get to know his children late in his life, the majority of them had never even met him and were more than happy for an excuse to skip first period.

Since this was supposed to be a solemn event, Edmund had the presence of mind to let everyone know that formalwear was the attire, but look at what some of his siblings still showed up in. Teenagers!

I also have no idea why there’s a kid walking around in his underwear…

His grave being so close, my Sim’s ghost continues to wander the halls of his old home. Even in death, he’s drawn to the bed where he spent so much of his life woohooing. Instead of getting freaked out, Edmund is totally cool with his dead dad haunting his house. Here they are, father and son, sitting and chatting on the bed together like old friends.

“I miss waffles.”

For those wondering, Kaylynn Langerak, my Sim’s girlfriend, mourned for a while but then got over it. She inherited his vast fortune, bought a large house and moved into it with her seven daughters. On the other end of the spectrum, two of my Sim’s children by Jess Eastman died not long after he did, for reasons that still remain a mystery to me! I could only guess that, due to the Eastman household of eight only having 50 Simoleons in shared income between them the last I checked, they starved to death. Very sad.

But as always, life in Sims 3 goes on…literally! The neighborhood Sims will thrive whether or not I pay attention to them when I play. All I know is, my Sim has made his mark on the history of Sunset Valley with his 98 children. Their future is in the game’s hands now, as I don’t know if I’m up to playing any of them.

However, I did recently purchase the Sims 3 Pets expansion, so there’s a chance I may go back one day to use one of my Sim’s many descendants to play around with that, like maybe buy a dog or breed some horses or whatever. But for now, my work is done. As promised, at the end of this post, you’ll find screenshots of my Sim’s ridiculous family tree, complete in all its glory. I hope you’ve enjoyed my Sims 3 saga, and thanks for reading!

The End

Sims 3 Saturday: Simply 82

(Actually, 84. I knew sooner or later I would screw up the count. Thanks for the catch, Rowan!)

Welcome back to Sims 3 Saturday, as we carry on with Week 7 of our Family Man challenge. Last week, we saw my Sim’s family tree explode as he continues to go full steam on his procreation rampage through the neighborhood. We were up to 69 offspring, and this number can only go higher as my Sim begins to spiral more and more out of control with his caddish ways.

As always, we begin with the birth announcements, welcoming a wave of new babies to the neighborhood of Sunset Valley: Tracy Connors gave birth to twin girls, bringing our total up to 71. Juliet Stump gave birth to twins, making it 73. Toya Reid gave birth to a boy, baby number 74. Kaylynn Langerak, my Sim’s current sweetheart, gave birth to another set of twin girls, thus bringing the count to 76.

Sunset Valley’s women have all entered their sunset years!

The birthrate is slowing down noticeably, but it’s certainly not for the lack of trying on my Sim’s part. In truth, as fast as the neighborhood is filling up with his children, we are running out of eligible game-generated female Sims who are of child-bearing age just as quickly. Not surprisingly, we have a growing aging population. Recall that not long ago, my own Sim became an elder, so it makes sense that all his peers would be getting on in years as well.

But while we’re on the topic of neighborhood demographics, there’s a more pressing concern. On a routine walk out to the community lots to meet new people, we see that the majority of the town are elementary-school aged or younger, and they all have one thing in common — half their genetic code comes from my Sim. If we don’t get some new blood into Sunset Valley and STAT!, in another generation everyone in the neighborhood is going to be related to each other in one way or another.

Jamie Jolina, AKA Dr. Sexy, M.D.

In any case, it appears just strolling around downtown isn’t going to cut it anymore. My Sim began adopting a more aggressive strategy to meeting new people — methodically visiting one house after another, greeting its inhabitants, and allowing himself to be invited inside if there is an eligible woman in the household. Gutsy, very gutsy. This was how he met Jamie Jolina, looking bold and lively in her designer glasses. She’s a doctor at the local hospital, which probably explains her busy schedule as she seems to be constantly unavailable whenever my Sim tries to call her over to woohoo.

My Sim also met Lisa Bunch, Sandi French, and Alicia Schwab with his door-to-door propositioning. Whoa, where did all these Sims come from all of a sudden? Apparently, just as Kaylynn Langerak aged up from teenager to adult last week, so have all the other youth in the previous generation. It doesn’t even bother my Sim anymore, he’s crossed that line and is already too far gone.

Then one day, it all comes crashing down. It was a day like any other day, on a trip like any other trip to Central Park. All of a sudden, the sun stopped shining, the birds stopped singing, and the air grew cold. In the near distance, my Sim saw the dreaded figure — it was the dark shadow of the Grim Reaper, wielding his menacing scythe, headed straight for him. At that very moment, my Sim knew deep in his heart, that this was it. His time had come.

There is only one thing we say to Death: “Not today!”

But actually, no. To his surprise, Grim was actually there for another poor Sim. But for a second there, I actually thought it was the end for my Sim. After all, he’s already lived several days past the “average” Sim lifespan; it wouldn’t have been that big a surprise. Anyway, as Death led away the ghost of the deceased, I guess my traumatized Sim had an epiphany: It was time to live a better life! A more honest life! And the first thing he was going to do was tell all the past women in his life how he has wronged them!

To do that, he had plans to invite the mothers of his children to a huge outdoor pool party at the community center. Attire: Swimwear. Time: in the middle of the night. Um, are you sure about that, Sim?

As you’d expect, it didn’t go well at all. He didn’t even get a chance to make his apology speech! As soon as the first woman showed up to greet him with a scorcher of a kiss, the cat was out of the bag. All the other scandalized women at the party took exception immediately, indicated by the furious thought bubbles that began popping up all over their heads. Because Sims are gregarious and cordial by nature (or more like the game mechanics just couldn’t handle the animation of a 12-person dogpile), every one of them literally lined up in a neat little row waiting for their turn to chew out my Sim.

My Sim present at the formation of his anti-fan club.

Needless to say, it was the crappiest pool party ever thrown in the history of Sunset Valley. There was no food, no music, no swimming, but there were plenty of fist fights! By the time the last woman got done beating up my Sim, it was 2am in the morning and the event was over, and my Sim had to walk around with the “humiliated” moodlet for days. This is what you get for honesty.

Recall Iliana Langerak from last week, who is also Kaylynn Langerak’s mother. My Sim has woohoo’ed both of them, fathered their children, but they are a special case and were spared the disastrous pool party. My Sim still has feelings for Kaylynn, and was hoping to take their relationship to the next level, but this meant he had to break it off with Iliana. Since Iliana’s also Kaylynn’s mother and familial ties took precedent, he wanted to salvage what he could with the elder Langerak if it was at all possible (don’t count on it).

Things started off okay. My Sim invited Iliana over for a little chat, working up to the point where he will confess his attraction for her daughter (and I’m not even joking, there is actually an option to “confess attraction to Kaylynn.”) However, it might not have been as prudent to point out the fact that Iliana wasn’t getting any younger and that in a few days she would become an elder and wouldn’t be able to have any more children in any case. Aha! Out comes the truth of why he wants to cut her loose!

I don’t think offering her a drink is going to make it any better…

Iliana was livid and began acting strangely. Between mocking and throwing insults at my Sim, she did things like run around his house like a maniac, sleep in his bed, and rummage through his garbage! Um, I take it that means she’s breaking up with him? I’d like to think that his confession about her daughter actually caused Iliana to lose her mind, but more realistically she probably possesses the “inappropriate” trait, which causes Sims to act erratically in social situations. Damn, I really hope she didn’t pass that on to the son she and my Sim had.

Sweet, conscientious Kaylynn was certainly spared the trait. She came over when my Sim called her next (after showing her mother the door, before that crazy lady could do further damage to his house) and said yes when he proposed that they go steady! Kaylynn was so happy that she began jumping for joy and then…caught my Sim when he leaped into her arms? What a woman! However, I might point out that he did refrain from telling her about his other relationships or his six dozen or so other children that are running wild throughout the neighborhood. He may be coming around, but he’s not crazy!

“Oof! You need to start laying off the waffles!”

On the next round of births, Kaylynn gave birth to yet another pair of twin girls. That makes 78, not to mention that’s a total of 3 sets of twins for Kaylynn now, and all girls — Brook, Gabrielle, Sha Sha (eh? What kind of baby book are you getting these names from, Sims 3?), Elizabeth, Cara, and Barbara! Jamie Jolina, she of the medical degree and sexy glasses gave birth to twins too, making that 80 children for my Sim. Kaylynn’s mother Iliana Langerak also gave birth to twins — oops, I’d forgotten that she was pregnant already when he broke up with her. But anyway, that’s 82! The Langerak family tree is now looking quite odd, considering my Sim is the father of every baby and child on it:

Tracy Connor also gave birth, though it was a funny story because she was one of the women I invited to that infamous party at the community pool. She was still very angry and for some reason came to my Sim’s house — to further reprimand him, no doubt — but suddenly went into labor in the middle of her tirade! But this time, I knew enough to get him to bring her to the hospital to hopefully try and score some brownie points. Apparently it worked, because right after giving birth to another set of twins (84!), Tracy and my Sim were in bed woohooing again, and she was expecting once more!

Let’s head to the hospital in style in an ice cream truck!

Look, I know my Sim is trying hard to turn his life around, but baby steps, okay? /pun. At least he’s not spending every waking moment of his life woohooing like he used to, now it’s like…maybe half that time.

Speaking of which, a new family moved in down the street. My Sim had the pleasure of meeting one of its members, Tamara Donner. Within hours, they were in bed and trying for a baby. Ugh, he just can’t help it.

Sims 3 Saturday: The Summer Of 69

69 babies, that is. It’s Saturday, so you know what that means — time for another installment of the Sims 3 “Family Man” Challenge series. Warning: we are in for some drama this week.

As you know, last week I broke my previous record for this challenge. I mean, at 50 children, I practically blasted it away (old record was 37). However, this doesn’t mean my Sim is going to stop trying for more, because I’m still very interested in seeing how much higher this number can go. It’s just that, you know…we can relax a little. Have a bit of fun.

My Sim joyriding in his expensive car. Cue “Night at the Roxbury” music.

Another thing — my Sim also became an elder last week. He’s nearing the end of his life and can get a visit from the Grim Reaper at any moment — and since this is The Sims, I mean that quite literally! The poor guy has spent the bulk of his life in his bedroom between the sheets, I figured it’s high time for him go out and live a little. As well, I’m looking forward to stirring the pot and causing some drama in the neighborhood worthy of The Young and the Restless. Mark my words, before my Sim dies, he’ll be sure to throw a party inviting all his children…and their mothers. It’ll be like Fight Club.

As usual we start off with the announcements of a new wave of latest births: Juliet Stump gave birth to twins, bringing our count up to 52. Madison VanWatson gave birth to a boy, making it 53. Sharla Bills gave birth to a girl, 54.

After getting pregnant again, neither Madison or Sharla will be able to have any more babies, since their households will become full (8 Sims per household is the max). Once again, my Sim is going to have to go out and meet some potential new mothers if he’s going to keep the birthrate up. This is starting to become a problem. Quite frankly, the neighborhood is starting to run out of eligible women that my Sim hasn’t already romanced (and/or knocked up).

It’s so, so wrong (well, kind of wrong in the real world, but not one bit in the Sims world) but I had no choice but to do it. Rewind back to the Sims 3 Saturday post four weeks ago, when my Sim experienced the most awkward and derpy moment of his life after he invited a Sim named Kaylynn Langerak over to romance only to find out she was still a teenager and in high school. Of course, once he realized his mistake, she was promptly showed the door.

Kaylynn’s first kiss. My Sim’s 348,325th kiss.

Well, many Sims days later, little jail bait Kaylynn is all grown up. The game now classifies her as an adult, and thus is fair game for my Sim to romance (so wrong). In fact, my Sim has been waiting for this moment for a while, maintaining a not-creepy-at-all friendship with Kaylynn even after all this time so that when she has her birthday he can jump right in (even more wrong). My grey-haired Sim and young, vivacious Kaylynn shared their first kiss after he confessed his attraction to her at her house, right in front of her parents because she still lived at home (wrong, wrong, wrong)! She’s always had a crush on me, okay? That’s the story I’m sticking with!

The thing is, I really like Kaylynn. A neat freak and a perfectionist, her personality simply jives with my Sim’s. He has not felt this way for another since Ayesha Ansari. Throwing caution to the wind, he decides to ask her out on a romantic date, hoping for an opportunity to get to know her better without her family around getting in the way. But to do this, my Sim still had to keep Kaylynn from knowing about the other women whose children I fathered, so we chose to meet up at a secluded fishing pond nestled in the hills.

First date out in the middle of nowhere. Watch out for that poison ivy.

It was exactly the thing they both needed. After making out in the woods, they went home to my Sim’s house and woohooed for a baby.

However, to make up for both Sharla’s and Madison’s full households, ideally I needed to romance one more woman. My Sim looked up his contact list to see if there were any other lady Sims on it that he hadn’t made a romantic interest yet. As it turned out, the only other woman I could call over? Iliana Langerak…Kaylynn’s mom. Dun dun dun.

We’ll be right back after the break, because it’s time to update with another wave of babies (because all this time my Sim has been keeping busy): Jess Eastman gave birth to twins, bringing our total to 56. Toya Reid also gave birth to twins, making that 58. Madison gave birth again, to a boy (her last child), 59. Monika Morris gave birth to a boy, 60. Another cycle later, Toya gave birth to another baby boy, 61. Monika gave birth to another boy, so now it’s 62.

“So you’re sure Jared doesn’t suspect a thing?”

A funny story with Monika — when I tried for a baby with her afterward, the option was greyed out, telling me her household was too full for her to become pregnant right now. But that didn’t seem right, as by my calculation there should be one more Sim slot available. A quick check told me that she was actually married, to Jared Frio. Jared and his wife lived in their house with six children — yep, all of them actually mine. I had Monika kick Jared out, forcing him to move in with his brother Connor Frio, thus freeing up the vacated last spot for Monika’s and my Sim’s final child. By the way, don’t bother feeling too bad for Jared, he’s a jerk.

Back to the babies. Bless that fertility treatment lifetime reward, because it’s a parade of twin girls! Tracy Connor gave birth to twin girls. 64! Juliet gave birth to twin girls. 66! And finally, my Sim’s new love Kaylynn Langerak ended up giving birth to twin girls! 68! It was a happy day indeed.

I guess now is a good time to reveal another shocking event — Agnes Crumplebottom, my Sim’s fiancee and only long-term steady relationship, decided to move to another town. Basically, the game took her away, along with her and my Sim’s seven children. Apparently, these moves by the game are completely random, but I personally like to think that she finally got tired of waiting around for my Sim to marry her, grew a backbone and dumped his ass at last.

My Sim actually let Iliana sleep over? Wow.

We now return to the Langerak Saga. With Agnes now gone, my Sim feels he needs a new steady girlfriend. Could Kaylynn be that special someone? After the birth of their daughters, he moved her into her own home so she could start her own household with their new family.

Still, despite his deep feelings for Kaylynn, my Sim, horrible person that he is, could not help himself and invited Iliana, Kaylynn’s mother, over for some romancing. Needless to say, things got out of hand when the evening ended up with the two of them in bed, and Iliana pregnant. Her little boy became baby 69 for my Sim, the half-brother of Iliana’s daughter Kaylynn, as well as the half-brother of Kaylynn’s own children, hers and my Sim’s twins. Confusing, isn’t it?

Poor Kaylynn. What ever will she say about this? Or should the better question be, will she even find out?

Sims 3 Saturday: An Even 50

It’s Saturday! Screw the pleasantries, let’s get right into our progress for the Sims 3 Family Man Challenge.

When we left my Sim last week, he was the proud father of 21 children. This week, Sharla Bills gave birth to twins right off the bat, bringing our total up to 23. Ayesha Ansari (my darling, darling Ayesha) gave birth to her and my Sim’s seventh and final baby, a beautiful boy, making that 24. Oh, how I wish more than eight people can reside in a household, but I suppose the game is challenging enough as it is. I can’t imagine how much harder it would be to keep track of any more Sims than that, to make sure they all eat and sleep and go to the bathroom in time before messing themselves.

Meeting Monika Morris. Alliteration is fun.

Monika Morris also gave birth to twins — 26. I don’t believe we’ve met Monika on this blog yet, but she was a spirited young woman I met at a remote beach one day. I have taken to visiting community lots that are more out of the way; less chance of getting caught cheating by any of my dozen or so girlfriends this way!

Bebe Hart gave birth to twins. 28! Agnes Crumplebottom — my “official fiancee”, I guess you can say — gave birth to twins. 30! Madison VanWatson gave birth to twins. 32! Jess Eastman gave birth to twins. 34! See, now the multiples are starting to roll in; that’s what I’m talking about. By now, three days have passed (the gestation period of a Sim, I believe) and we’re now back to Sharla, who got pregnant again after her twins and ended up giving birth to a baby boy, making that 35. By the way, I feel obligated to remind everyone that we are now two babies shy of my last record of 37, from when I did this challenge way back in the day.

But here, something strange happened. The game suddenly informed me that the Hart family has decided to move to another town. Wait, WHAT?! Bebe! Our kids! Bebe et mes bébés! Seriously, I didn’t know this was possible. Is it a way for the game to regulate my neighborhood population? Is the town getting a little too full with my Sim’s children? I sure hope not, because I’m nowhere near done.

The last time I saw Bebe Hart, *sniff*.

Thankfully, Bebe’s and my Sim’s children remained in the family tree so they still count in the record. Unfortunately, I’ll just never see them again. That’s quite a depressing thought, actually. Regardless, Bebe Hart’s departure was a pretty big setback, along with Ayesha’s household being too full now for her to become pregnant again. Two Sims I cannot romance anymore! Once again, I had to go out and meet some new people.

Enter three women my Sim met at the local library: Toya Reid, Juliet Stump, and Tracy Connor. I met them all on there on a single trip and congratulated myself on a successful outing. It wasn’t until later when I opened up neighborhood map that I discovered all three of them lived in the same house, right across the street from me. ARGH! I told myself I wasn’t going to date roommates anymore! It’s a damn good thing that Sims apparently don’t talk about their relationships at home, because they’d certainly realize they were all dating the same guy…because in a few days, the size of the Reid/Stump/Connor household is going to double with the addition of my babies.

Toya with her healthy green “glow”.

That was my first date with Toya Reid when she came over to woohoo. Um, apparently those fumes wafting off her body is supposed to be her bad BO. Luckily, my Sim didn’t seem to mind. I mean, considering that it was HIS fault she smelled bad in the first place, since it appears she neglected to take a shower after he talked to her so much at the library yesterday that her bladder exploded and she peed herself amongst the books.

Something momentous also happened — my Sim had a birthday! He is now an elder, which means there will be no more life stages after this. Still, I’m very sure I’m going to break my record of 37; now it’s just a matter of how much we can break it by before my Sim arrives at the end of his life and is visited by the Grim Reaper because he’s not gonna stop adding to the family ’til his ticker stops tickin’. Now that’s dedication.

He’s still looking quite dapper, though, isn’t he? Er, except for the default clothes. Dear lord, we’re going to find a better outfit. Back to my regular suit I go.

Sims 3 has awful taste in senior citizens’ fashion.

Toya ended up having twins. We’re up to 37 and tied for the record! We’re going to beat it real soon though, because her roommies should be about to give birth too.

Indeed, Tracy gave birth to a baby boy for the tie breaker. 38! Juliet gave birth to a girl, making it 39. Didn’t I warn you that the Reid/Stump/Connor household was going to be exploding with my babies? Time to split them up. Thus, I moved Toya and Juliet out into their own households.

At just shy of 40 children, I think it’s high time I started visiting some of my offspring.

Haven’t you ever heard of a crib?

First, I hit up the Crumplebottom household. As you can see, Agnes had our youngest infant daughter swaddled and lying on the floor when I got there. Oh you, Agnes!

By the way, she has been my fiancee for weeks now, which I guess for a Sim is like, half a lifetime. I feel kinda bad that I haven’t married her after all this time, and it’s probably never going to happen now. After reading her Sims wiki page, this made me feel even worse. Haven’t you ever wondered why she’s always wearing black? Well, now I know, and it breaks my heart. I should never have read that site, but it does amaze and amuse me that all these well-known Sims NPCs have their individual back stories. Some developer spent a lot of time and effort writing all of these.

Begging forgiveness.

Next, I visited Jess Eastman’s house, which just happened to be right across the street from the Crumplebottom house. It didn’t go well. Jess must have caught me walking across the street right after visiting Agnes, because she gave me a huge scolding for being a cheating scumbag as soon as I stepped up to the door. She got so mad she even put our newborn baby on the wet grass to shout at me more effectively.

Poor sleep-deprived Sharla. I totally understand how you feel.

Sharla Bill’s house is next. All I have to say is, she seems overworked.

Time for another wave of new babies! Monika Morris, who was pregnant again after her twins, gave birth to a boy, bringing us up to an even 40. Agnes also gave birth to twins, making that 42 little ones. And with this latest set of twins, that makes eight Sims for the Crumplebottom household. Now I can never marry Agnes. Like, I literally can’t. The “have a wedding” option was conspicuously greyed out when I talked to her afterward, because there is no more room for the two of us and our seven children to live together. So sad.

Madison gave birth to a boy — 43. Jess also gave birth to a boy — 44. I tried for another baby with her right afterward, but she was still too angry at me from our fight outside on her lawn. I will have to romance her again when she forgives me. As if Sharla wasn’t stressed enough, she gave birth to another set of twins — 46. Toya gave birth to a boy — 47. Monika gave birth to twins — 49. Tracy gave birth to a boy — 50!

Okay, I think that’s enough for this week. Aaaand I’ll just leave you with these screenshots of my family tree at this point (it’s so long I had to split it up into two parts).

Sims 3 Saturday: We Are Up To 21

Despite this crazy weekend with Guild Wars 2 headstart in progress and all, the Sims must go on. It’s Saturday, so time for another update, as our incredible super-duper amazing Sims 3 Family Man Challenge continues.

And yes, you read the title right. We see a huge jump this week, from the previous week’s humble figure of 10 little sprogs, to a whopping total of 21 at the time I drafted this (we’re actually up to a lot more now). It wasn’t easy. I’ve played Sims games for many years, and in that time I’ve participated in many challenges, but I have to say Family Man is one of the more difficult ones (but it’s also the most twisted and fun). Not only does my Sim’s entire life revolve around meeting women, romancing them, and trying for babies, he has to make sure he remembers to eat and sleep so that he doesn’t die of fatigue or starvation amidst all this hot, wild, sweaty woohooing.

My Sim’s a lover not a fighter.

And let’s not forget — we’re kinda working under a time limit here. My Sim’s birthday looms on the horizon; in a few days he becomes and elder. After that, he can expire from old age at any moment, so let’s sow those oats as far and as wide as we can while we’re virile and, well, still alive.

I’m not even going to deny it anymore, my Sim is now shamelessly trying for a baby with the same women over and over; as soon as they get pregnant and have their babies, I repeat this cycle all over, as long as these Sims would have me. Once I’ve established the relationship, things get relatively easier; I just have to be careful to maintain them and avoid being dumped for being a cheating scumbag.

Recall how last week, I mentioned the women my Sim had been seeing: Bebe Hart, Jocasta Bachelor, Jess Eastman, and Sharla Bills. Okay, ready? Deep breath now!

Bebe gave birth to twins! My Sim is now the proud father of an even dozen children. Then Jocasta also gave birth to twins. That’s 14. Later, Jess had a baby boy. 15.

I think that’s Bebe. Or is it Jocasta?

I’ve also managed to build up enough lifetime reward points to buy some perks — like being more likeable so that my Sim will make friends a lot easier, being always interesting so I can spam the same interactions over and over without other Sims being bored (since I tend to spam “flirt” all the time, this perk was a godsend).

At this point, my Sim is woohooing every day, sometimes up to three times a day — morning, afternoon, evening. After we do the baby dance, I always kindly ask the Sim I’m with to leave the premises so I can invite the next one over. Apparently none of the Sims I’m seeing seem to be employed, because they appear to be able to come over anytime I call, or maybe I’m just lucky. There is really no time to do anything else, I’m hardly leaving my house (more specifically, the bedroom) and very soon I get a moodlet telling me my Sim is going “stir crazy!” from being cooped up all the time.

Three under three and another one on the way.

To fix this, I decided to visit my true love Ayesha Ansari to see how she and my little tykes are doing. Before I did, however, I went to “edit town” view and split up her household, placing her roommate Madison VanWatson and her little one (also my child) into a separate house. After that disaster with Molly French and Fiona McIrish in the first week, I vowed never to date roomies again. I did the same thing for Sharla Bills and Jess Eastman, because I found out were living in the same house as well. This accomplishes a couple things: 1) there now is more room for the women and our current and future children in each house, and 2) I can visit my kids without worrying I’ll run into other Sims.

Doing this is iffy, but I don’t think I’m technically breaking the rules as they only state I am not allowed to play any other Sim in the neighborhood than my own. But even if I am breaking the rules, oh well, I’m having too much fun to really care.

Being told by my six-year-old how useless I am.

So I go to Ayesha’s house. The place is full of my kids, and yep, as you can see, she’s expecting another. There are literally babies everywhere. And just as luck would have it, while I was there, she went into labor! I wasn’t sure what to do, so my Sim ended up doing nothing but stand around while she’s screaming out in pain (oh dear, I’m terrible). Only afterwards did I realize I could have taken her to the hospital.

With this newest birth, we now we are up to 16! Not two seconds after she came home with the new baby boy, Ayesha and my Sim jumped into bed and tried for their baby #7. This is both a happy and bittersweet occasion — since only up to eight Sims may live in the same household, this is probably the last and final child for my Sim and Ayesha. In spite of the challenge, I couldn’t help developing a soft spot for her.

Yeah, so I wasn’t doing anything terribly important, besides, you know, JUST AT THE HOSPITAL HAVING A BABY!

I find I am now forgetting which Sims I am woohooing is already pregnant or not. One time, I called Sharla Bills to come over and she said yes, but changed her mind after that almost immediately. I got frustrated, until I realized it turned out that she was at the hospital going into labor at that very moment. She did come over afterward, carrying our new baby boy. That’s 17 now, by the way.

Like I said, I am also dating Ayesha’s now ex-roomie Madison (thanks to my antics), and she seems to have a habit of bringing children to our dates, so I basically had to buy a couple cribs for the house. Now when my girlfriends come over with our children, they don’t have to put the little tots on the floor, because I was actually feeling quite terrible about that. Finally, they’ll have a place to sleep while the adults woohoo down the hall.

Baby is snug as a bug in a rug.

In the above picture, Sharla Bills gets it. And yet, it appears Madison never learns:

Sigh.

Here, it’s been three days (the gestation period of a Sim) and the cycle starts up again. Bebe had another boy. 18! Agnes Crumplebottom, my darling fiancee, also gave birth to a boy. 19! Madison VanWatson ended up having another boy. 20!

After the first couple sets of twins, I seem to be only getting singletons now. Looks like the effectiveness of the fertility treatment is completely random, but imagine how much crazier this would be if I got lucky each time and had multiples.

Finally, Jess welcomed a baby boy. Oh my, blue all over! We’re being inundated with boys this week. And that’s how we got to 21!

Sims 3 Saturday: Perfect Ten

So, this week’s session of the Family Man Sims 3 challenge got off to a bizarre start: I loaded up the game, carted my Sim off downtown to the bistro, and encountered a game bug which duplicated him! For a while there, there were two of me. The implications of this for the challenge are mind-boggling! Astounding, even! But alas, it was also just too damn weird and I had to reload.

Talking to myself.

Recall how last week, my Sim had resolved to go out more in order to start meeting new people. It only made sense, therefore, to start this session by trying his luck with some of these new Sims on his contact list. Except things didn’t turn out so well.

It was bad. First up was Claire Ursine, whom my Sim had the pleasure of meeting on his last trip to the neighborhood park. Frustration! It didn’t matter what I did, Claire would do everything with me except woohoo! I would max out her affection. Nope. I became extremely irresistible. Nada. Nothing worked. My poor, rejected Sim! As it turned out, Claire’s supposedly the town recluse who preferred living the loner life down by the ocean. Sometimes, it just comes down to pure bad luck. Or maybe it was because my jerk of a Sim forced her to break up with her boyfriend. Oh, how karma rears its ugly head.

Everything but woohoo.

A new maid also started showing up to clean my house every day, a Sim named Beatrice Reeder. My Sim and Beatrice had a great thing going for a while there, but when we tried for a baby, the option was blanked out — again! Surprise, surprise, Beatrice’s household too full for a new family member, just like what happened to the last maid, Kate Pistachio. Desperate now, my Sim practically jumped on the next female Sim to walk through the door. She happened to be repairwoman Amanda Gerstein, who showed up to fix a broken toilet. Needless to say, bad idea! It was strike three, and worst of all, my toilet remained a gushing mess after Amanda stormed out of my house in a fury.

Note to self: no more hitting on the hired help.

Then, something weird happened. Along came Madison VanWatson to save the day, showing up at my door carrying a toddler in her arms. Uh, yeah, she brought a kid to our date. Unannounced! Arrrgh. I was about to turn her away in frustration because, let’s face it, having a baby in the house while trying to romance someone just cramps my style. But suddenly, with shock, I realized the child she was holding was MY kid! As in, my Sim’s daughter with Ayesha Ansari, one of the twins who were born last week.

Just going to pop upstairs to woohoo with the babysitter. Kid will be okay on his own on the floor there.

I was thoroughly baffled as to how this woman got a hold of my baby and was walking around town with her, but then discovered that apparently Madison and Ayesha were roommates in the Working Friends household. Ah, so not a case of kidnapping then, the former was simply babysitting! Whew. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I think it occurred to me that what I was about to do may be a little inappropriate, but that still didn’t stop my Sim from getting Madison to put little Christian Ansari down and come upstairs for some woohooing. As Ayesha’s and my baby was left alone and unwatched downstairs by herself, Madison and I were upstairs busy making our own. Soooo wrong.

Since my plan with new Sims didn’t seem to be working, my Sim decided to reconnect with some old flames. A good strategy, except my Sim made the mistake of going out to one of the busiest hangouts in town to do it, which nearly led to disaster. It’s getting a little too dangerous to be seen in public, since at this point,he’s the boyfriend of more than a dozen Sims in the neighborhood, which is maybe one in every three or four women he meets on the street. As one of them stopped to flirt with my Sim, of all people, Ayesha Ansari appeared around the corner and almost caught him cheating. Yikes. My Sim practically tripped over himself jumping back into his car and running home before she could give him an earful.

Madison VanWatson going into labor right outside the diner.

Lucky thing too, since out of all the girlfriends, I think Ayesha is my favorite. Despite having had a hot date with her roommate just the day before, in my mind Ayesha’s really my Sim’s one true love. She ended up having three more children with my Sim, making them the parents of five little ones in total. Said roomie, Madison VanWatson (of the terrible babysitter reputation, as you would recall) also ended up giving birth to a baby boy. Thus it was such that the Working Friends household is now full of my Sim’s babies.

That’s not all. My “official” girlfriend, Agnes Crumplebottom also had another baby boy. She also became my fiancee at the end of this Sims 3 session, because for some reason, she would only agree to woohoo with me again after I’d proposed to her. Um, hey, I guess whatever works! My Sim is now the proud daddy of ten little ones!

Proposing to Agnes Crumplebottom.

Of course, as it had to happen in the messed up world of the Sims, right after I get engaged is when my Sim started getting lucky left and right. Here are just some of the Sims he chanced to meet and romance this week: Bebe Hart. Jocasta Bachelor. Jess Eastman. Sharla Bills. Yep, they’re all expecting. And this is after I happened to snag “fertility treatment” as a lifetime reward too.

Next week should be very interesting indeed.

Sims 3 Saturday: Fast Five

Welcome back to the “Family Man Challenge” (i.e. the “Father-as-many-children-as-you-can Challenge”). The Sims 3 saga continues, picking up where we left off last week. There have been a few setbacks for my Sim, but he’s not one to get discouraged. In fact, he’s more determined than ever to do better this week. Sowing one’s wild oats is not as easy as one would think…

First things first. No more waiting around for women like Agnes Crumplebottom to just walk up and knock on his door, since apparently she was a fluke. For this to work, we’re going to have to go out and actively meet more new people. WAY more new people. Naturally, my Sim wasted no time buying a car so he can start visiting community lots in the neighborhood where most Sims congregate.

Giving random women in the park back rubs.

This move paid off almost immediately. During one of his trips to the park, my Sim had the pleasure of making the acquaintance of one Ayesha Ansari, the beautiful and sexy resident of the Working Friends household. They hit it off right away, and in no time at all were trying for a baby.

Meanwhile, things were getting confusing with all these new contacts. It’s hard enough juggling multiple women, there’s no sense trying to maintain those dead-end relationships that have not borne fruit (so to speak), so it was time to prune my Sim’s friends list (again, so to speak). I was genuinely sorry to see that Kate Pistachio, our very own kleptomaniac-maid extraordinaire, was the first to go. Recall from last week that her household was too full for a new baby. For some reason, I couldn’t get the option for her to move in with me to show up either, so inevitably, we broke up.

Kate did not take it well. It also did not help that I fired her afterward, for the sole purpose of increasing the chances that a new maid might show up, one who might be more receptive to the goals of my challenge. Yes, my Sim is such a dick! As such, he deserved every kick and punch.

Beaten up by the maid.

Sadly, we also had to say good bye to Fiona McIrish. She was the mother of my Sim’s first child and will always be special to him, but she was also going to become an elder very soon. Heartlessly, my Sim decided to break up with her by flirting with her roommate, Molly French, right before Fiona’s very eyes. Here, the game suddenly alerted me with a helpful pop-up: my Sim has earned a “dirt-bag” reputation! Thank you, Captain Obvious!

Remember Molly? The woman my Sim was originally dating but who dumped his ass last week when she caught him cheating on her with Fiona? Yep, this is shaping up to be one epic love triangle. Apparently, Molly has forgiven my Sim (or has completely forgotten his caddish ways; those Sims have terribly short memories, after all) and was eager to take him back and resume their relationship again. Very soon, they were expecting a child.

So far so good, but it never fails — just when things start to go smoothly in the Sims, that’s when you know it’s time for a derpy moment.

It started when my Sim noticed a pretty new face in his acquaintance list, Kaylynn Langerak. Feeling lonely one night, he called her up and invited her over. Their evening started off pleasantly enough, with long chats and friendly get-to-knows. That was when I noticed something was wrong — for some reason, I wasn’t getting any options to flirt or do anything romantic with her. With shock and disgust, I suddenly realized why. She was a teenager! ARRGGH! Why don’t they make the height differences a little more obvious?! What’s wrong with this girl anyway?! Agreeing to go to my Sim’s house alone, and in the middle of the night?! NO. HELL NO. ACK! UGH! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE.

Thankfully, the birth of three more children at the end of my gaming session made up for the unpleasantness of that faux pas. We are now up to five! Molly French had a little boy, which was exciting. But the best part of all was that Ayesha Ansari had twins! This happened even without my Sim having to pay for fertility treatments with lifetime happiness points, so that was kind of a nice surprise.

Um, yeah. This game never ceases to amaze me with the weird and messed up things it allows you to do.