Sims 3 Saturday: The Summer Of 69

69 babies, that is. It’s Saturday, so you know what that means — time for another installment of the Sims 3 “Family Man” Challenge series. Warning: we are in for some drama this week.

As you know, last week I broke my previous record for this challenge. I mean, at 50 children, I practically blasted it away (old record was 37). However, this doesn’t mean my Sim is going to stop trying for more, because I’m still very interested in seeing how much higher this number can go. It’s just that, you know…we can relax a little. Have a bit of fun.

My Sim joyriding in his expensive car. Cue “Night at the Roxbury” music.

Another thing — my Sim also became an elder last week. He’s nearing the end of his life and can get a visit from the Grim Reaper at any moment — and since this is The Sims, I mean that quite literally! The poor guy has spent the bulk of his life in his bedroom between the sheets, I figured it’s high time for him go out and live a little. As well, I’m looking forward to stirring the pot and causing some drama in the neighborhood worthy of The Young and the Restless. Mark my words, before my Sim dies, he’ll be sure to throw a party inviting all his children…and their mothers. It’ll be like Fight Club.

As usual we start off with the announcements of a new wave of latest births: Juliet Stump gave birth to twins, bringing our count up to 52. Madison VanWatson gave birth to a boy, making it 53. Sharla Bills gave birth to a girl, 54.

After getting pregnant again, neither Madison or Sharla will be able to have any more babies, since their households will become full (8 Sims per household is the max). Once again, my Sim is going to have to go out and meet some potential new mothers if he’s going to keep the birthrate up. This is starting to become a problem. Quite frankly, the neighborhood is starting to run out of eligible women that my Sim hasn’t already romanced (and/or knocked up).

It’s so, so wrong (well, kind of wrong in the real world, but not one bit in the Sims world) but I had no choice but to do it. Rewind back to the Sims 3 Saturday post four weeks ago, when my Sim experienced the most awkward and derpy moment of his life after he invited a Sim named Kaylynn Langerak over to romance only to find out she was still a teenager and in high school. Of course, once he realized his mistake, she was promptly showed the door.

Kaylynn’s first kiss. My Sim’s 348,325th kiss.

Well, many Sims days later, little jail bait Kaylynn is all grown up. The game now classifies her as an adult, and thus is fair game for my Sim to romance (so wrong). In fact, my Sim has been waiting for this moment for a while, maintaining a not-creepy-at-all friendship with Kaylynn even after all this time so that when she has her birthday he can jump right in (even more wrong). My grey-haired Sim and young, vivacious Kaylynn shared their first kiss after he confessed his attraction to her at her house, right in front of her parents because she still lived at home (wrong, wrong, wrong)! She’s always had a crush on me, okay? That’s the story I’m sticking with!

The thing is, I really like Kaylynn. A neat freak and a perfectionist, her personality simply jives with my Sim’s. He has not felt this way for another since Ayesha Ansari. Throwing caution to the wind, he decides to ask her out on a romantic date, hoping for an opportunity to get to know her better without her family around getting in the way. But to do this, my Sim still had to keep Kaylynn from knowing about the other women whose children I fathered, so we chose to meet up at a secluded fishing pond nestled in the hills.

First date out in the middle of nowhere. Watch out for that poison ivy.

It was exactly the thing they both needed. After making out in the woods, they went home to my Sim’s house and woohooed for a baby.

However, to make up for both Sharla’s and Madison’s full households, ideally I needed to romance one more woman. My Sim looked up his contact list to see if there were any other lady Sims on it that he hadn’t made a romantic interest yet. As it turned out, the only other woman I could call over? Iliana Langerak…Kaylynn’s mom. Dun dun dun.

We’ll be right back after the break, because it’s time to update with another wave of babies (because all this time my Sim has been keeping busy): Jess Eastman gave birth to twins, bringing our total to 56. Toya Reid also gave birth to twins, making that 58. Madison gave birth again, to a boy (her last child), 59. Monika Morris gave birth to a boy, 60. Another cycle later, Toya gave birth to another baby boy, 61. Monika gave birth to another boy, so now it’s 62.

“So you’re sure Jared doesn’t suspect a thing?”

A funny story with Monika — when I tried for a baby with her afterward, the option was greyed out, telling me her household was too full for her to become pregnant right now. But that didn’t seem right, as by my calculation there should be one more Sim slot available. A quick check told me that she was actually married, to Jared Frio. Jared and his wife lived in their house with six children — yep, all of them actually mine. I had Monika kick Jared out, forcing him to move in with his brother Connor Frio, thus freeing up the vacated last spot for Monika’s and my Sim’s final child. By the way, don’t bother feeling too bad for Jared, he’s a jerk.

Back to the babies. Bless that fertility treatment lifetime reward, because it’s a parade of twin girls! Tracy Connor gave birth to twin girls. 64! Juliet gave birth to twin girls. 66! And finally, my Sim’s new love Kaylynn Langerak ended up giving birth to twin girls! 68! It was a happy day indeed.

I guess now is a good time to reveal another shocking event — Agnes Crumplebottom, my Sim’s fiancee and only long-term steady relationship, decided to move to another town. Basically, the game took her away, along with her and my Sim’s seven children. Apparently, these moves by the game are completely random, but I personally like to think that she finally got tired of waiting around for my Sim to marry her, grew a backbone and dumped his ass at last.

My Sim actually let Iliana sleep over? Wow.

We now return to the Langerak Saga. With Agnes now gone, my Sim feels he needs a new steady girlfriend. Could Kaylynn be that special someone? After the birth of their daughters, he moved her into her own home so she could start her own household with their new family.

Still, despite his deep feelings for Kaylynn, my Sim, horrible person that he is, could not help himself and invited Iliana, Kaylynn’s mother, over for some romancing. Needless to say, things got out of hand when the evening ended up with the two of them in bed, and Iliana pregnant. Her little boy became baby 69 for my Sim, the half-brother of Iliana’s daughter Kaylynn, as well as the half-brother of Kaylynn’s own children, hers and my Sim’s twins. Confusing, isn’t it?

Poor Kaylynn. What ever will she say about this? Or should the better question be, will she even find out?