Archive for May 3rd, 2010


LOTRO Spring Fest: I Have No Business In Mazes

May 3, 2010

This last weekend was part of the Lord of the Rings Online Welcome Back Week, and so needless to say, the server was bustling with activity. I stopped into Bree once, and was fortunate enough to witness a loud and testosterone-laden Dwarf parade.

That’s more than enough excitement for one day…or you would think. But the Spring Festival was back, for one last chance to participate in its activities. I had spent the last month too absorbed into questing and leveling to give the Spring Festival much notice, so I took this as a sign to get involved in it before the weekend was over.

Flowers. I'm sick to death of 'em.

It’s weird. I’m usually all about the in-game events, but getting into the spirit of them in LOTRO was a little bit more difficult. I had the misfortune of starting out with that darn flower picking quest. But it was for a guy smitten with a woman, and you know me — I’m a hopeless romantic. I guess I could hoof it all across the bloody lands to get a guy in love his damn bouquet. But of course, the bumbling idiot asks me to deliver it to the wrong place. I’m a hobbit, do you see these short little legs? They’re not made for running, asshat.

To add insult to injury, even after everything got sorted out, he had the nerve to ask if I could go around picking flowers for him for an hour. Seriously, go to hell. I would do anything for love (but I won’t do that).

I tried some shrew-stomping too, but that also got old quick. Hopping around a tiny garden with about a dozen others squishing shrews is a great idea, but I already murder too many critters in this game and all the others that I play (ever seen a Tree-of-Life sucker-punch a rat in World of Warcraft? It’s hil-aaaarious) to want to do any more rodent-killing.

I did, however, have a lot of fun in the hedge maze, which surprised me a lot. I shouldn’t even have gone in there in the first place, because if there’s one thing you should know about me is that I have a horrible sense of direction. I can’t drive to the local grocery store without a GPS. In my head I know that east is east and west is west, but I’ll still somehow mess it up. I can walk down the street, go into a store, come out five minutes later and not remember which direction I was headed.

Mazes + me = bad bedfellows. I was gaming at the brother’s place at the time, and even he shook his head and said “Poor you” when he looked over my shoulder and saw what I was doing. But I showed him, I didn’t even have to cheat and use a map to find all the Wandering Elves! Of course, if I ever had to navigate a real hedge maze on my own, I’d probably roam in circles before finally dying of exposure and dehydration.

But I would't be the first person to meet their end in a hedge maze.