Archive for April 21st, 2010


Hyborian Survival Guide – Part III

April 21, 2010

Welcome to this third installment, where I continue to catalog even more lessons learned from my journeys through the treacherous lands of Age of Conan. Here’s Part I and Part II.

8. Those who work the safest way, live to see another day!

Crafting and gathering — I haven’t done a lot of it. But now that I’m level 80, I have no excuse to put it off anymore. Time to stop being a useless layabout and become a working, contributing member of society. The other day, I picked up my tools and went looking for useful materials to harvest. Mining nodes are plentiful in the Lacheish Plains, so that’s where I chose to get to work. So there I was, mining, mining, mining — you’ve picked up some copper! Mining, mining, mining — you’ve picked up some copper! Mining, mining, mining — you’ve picked up so–OH MY GOD,YOU’VE JUST SPAWNED A RAGING HALF-NAKED LUNATIC! It happens, so always be on your guard. On the bright side, you are carrying a pick axe. Use it to put a hole through the skull of anyone who dares interrupt you while you’re trying to make an honest living.

9. Someone is always watching.

Life sucks when you’re not nobility. That much is clear to anyone standing outside the Tarantia Commons, watching the guards at the gate hold back the dregs of society as they shout lewd profanities and hurl rotten fruit. They have a right to be upset. After all, the slums within are filled to the brim with the desperate and the needy, yet no one does a thing about it. But take heart, common denizens of Tarantia, I assure you there is hope yet for us all! One just needs to look up in the sky to see that the very gods of this land are watching over us. Wait, what’s that you say? That’s actually the shadow of Thoth-Amon up there in the sun? Um, isn’t he that evil sorcerer guy and the arch nemesis of Conan? Never mind then, we’re all doomed.

10. Everywhere you turn, there’s another horrible way to die.

This lesson comes to us from Breawyn, my Bear Shaman, whose curiosity and exploratory nature brought her face-to-face with a half-eaten corpse. To any Star Trek Online captains who are reading this and are thinking about venturing into Hyboria — as you can see from the above screenshot, space isn’t the only place where you have to worry about wormholes. I actually gasped out loud when I angled the camera and saw what was inside. But I should have known — if you ever get the urge to poke your nose into some hidden nook or cranny, chances are you’ll just find the dead body of an adventurer who has gone to meet his maker in some grisly way or another. This one entry alone could probably be expanded into a whole new blog feature, but I’m just not that morbid.